Archives: Friday the 13th

This is an old adventure. I think it's from 2008. I found it while searching through all my old documents.

I woke up this morning, Friday June 13, after a meager 3 ½ hours of sleep. Why only three hours, you ask? It’s a dumb story, but here goes.

Yesterday I got home from my only class around 2:00 and was thrilled to be able to relax for a while. I did a quick homework assignment, made some spaghetti, and ate in the living room where my roommate was watching Indiana Jones (which her friend bought because he couldn’t believe that I had never seen them). As I’m sure you could easily predict, I got suckered in and finished watching the movie with her. Then, she put on some other captivating film about a bunch of drug addicts so there went another two hours.

I had a 1500 –word paper due today so I added my finishing touches, submitted it online, and was quite satisfied to find that I was finished with all my work and could go to bed at the beautiful hour of 10 pm.  Just kidding, I had forgotten do my Bible readings for the next day’s Old Testament class. I texted my friend and asked if it was too late to go to the local coffee shop because I knew it would be a long and painful few hours of Bible reading without the extra kick of caffeine, and my weary body was already exhausted and begging for sleep. She, of course, did not get my text and left me with nothing to aid in my journey through the books of 2 Chronicles and Psalms. Two hours later I was finished with the Bible and considering moving on to the assigned reading from the text book, but I was far too tired and decided to finish it in the morning before class– along with doing my Spanish homework and studying for my 300-word Spanish composition. 12:00 am and I could finally be done with my day and drift off to the land of the surreal. I set my alarm for 9:00 and hit the hay. 12:10, 12:20, 12:30 and I’m still awake. Exhausted yet unable to sleep. 12:40, 12:50, BEEP BEEP BEEP. Text message. “Is it?” says the text I just received. Well, I’m not sleeping anyway so why not? 1 am and I get out of bed, brush my teeth and join my friend at the coffee shop, both of us still in our PJs.  Come 3ish she takes me home and I’m all jacked up on caffeine so I finished my reading. Change the alarm to 9:45, bed by 4, sleep by 4:30, and WHAT THE FUCK?!?! I’m up again at 7:30 in the friggin morning for no reason! Sleep eludes me once again. I toss and turn, unable to fall back into the depths of the unconscious.

Now it’s today, Friday the 13^th. I drag my ass out of bed at 9:45 on a grand total of sleep summing less than 4 hours. I put together some terrible sentences in Spanish and turn them in online. I scan through the pages of the book that I had borrowed, needed to return in a few hours and never looked at. Stumble my way to the bus, Spanish book in hand, and furiously cram as much information into my brain that it had the capacity to retain. I sat in class for an hour and wrote the worst 300-word speech the world has ever been cursed to endure and scurry off to my next class. Two hours later and I’m free to enjoy my weekend. There’s only one catch, that last class was Old Testament and a fellow classmate decided that this was the time to “save” me. I’m waiting for my friend to pick me up so I can’t just leave, instead I’m stuck here listening to her Jesus stories. Then comes the rain. 5 minutes of a Florida downpour is all you need to be thoroughly soaked, as I was in that moment. Why wouldn’t she leave? Seek refuge from the rain like a normal person? Was my eternal soul really that important to her? I guess so because she stayed with me and continued on. Then finally, a BEEP of a text. My friend had come to my rescue and I was out of there.

Of course, we were out of there and on our way to Temple. I had always wanted to go, just to see what it was like, and today was the day. Having never expected to be attending such an event, I had no appropriate clothes for the occasion. A stop at the mall and a raid of her closet left the two of us reasonably well dressed, given the circumstances. Dinner at 6, done by 6:30, off to Temple, there by 6:58. Temple starts at 7. We drive into the parking lot and find all of two other cars there. Turns out Temple starts at 7:30, and the Rabbi’s out of town. Back in the car and on to another. Stop for a Klondike bar, get to Temple number 2 by 7:50 and service started at 8. As luck would have it, the Rabbi was out of town. Lots of Hebrew singing and bowing to walls, out by 9.

We decided to come back to my apartment for a movie night and stop for some cookies and milk on the way. We pull into the shopping center but instead of going to the Publix, we swing by the bar where her friend had invited us to join him for a gay pride concert. Fabulous. A quick scan of the parking lot revealed that he was not there so we skipped it and finally got to Publix. In and out…and the car won’t start. 10 minutes later she’s on the phone with triple A and they’re sending a handy-dandy locksmith to replace her key. Knowing that our food would go bad before we got home, we tapped into the stash right there. So there we were, sitting in a parking lot at 9:30 on the night of Friday the 13^th, eating sushi, raw cookie dough, and warm diet Pepsi. Interesting combination, let me tell you. I’m halfway through my second piece of sushi and asked what it was. “Eel” was her answer. All of a sudden I could no longer breathe. I couldn’t chew, swallow, the mere word “eel” made me instantly gag. A few cough/laughs later and I managed to choke it down, and then have another. It occurred to me that my half gallon of milk would probably be deadly before I got home too, so I thought it best to chug it right then and there. Did I mention that I hate milk? I made it half way through the jug of lukewarm 2% and nearly heaved.

To help pass the time she was kind enough to let me borrow her iPod as she cleaned out her car. A bra, handcuffs, black furry paddle…who has this stuff in their car? “Detachable penis.” What? I realized that the song I was listening to was about a man with a detachable penis who was concerned because he couldn’t find it. Not an uncommon problem for him, but an unusual problem for me to ponder. A man that I didn’t know climbs into the car and sits next me. It took a second for me to realize that he was the long-awaited locksmith. I was about to return his handshake when I was distracted by the sudden wails of man in distress, a man without a penis.

Quite a night.